Moaning, and gasping for breath, all sweaty, he thrust faster and faster till he went still. Lying on top of me, trying to catch his breath, he said, “wow! That was amazing!” And then it hit me. This man (I know by saying man it makes him sound way older and draws a picture of an aging wrinkled person, but really, he is young and cute) I am having sex with, and enjoying it, but that’s not the point, is not my husband! He is someone I am dating but not one I can confidently claim as my Man nor he claim me his Woman because anything can happen leading to a break up. So why am I letting him enjoy me? Why am I giving it up for him to enjoy and maybe in the future break up with him?
I should reserve this amazing, mind blowing sex for my husband. And yes, it was mind blowing! And yes I had my epiphany during this mind blowing sex. And I call it sex because that is what it is. I don’t believe in love making between two unmarried people; its sex and any other crude name you might want to assign to it. That’s what I believe. And whoever you are sleeping with will only appreciate it there and then and eventually forget, till the next time. My question then became; how many men will I give this pleasure to before I get married and finally give it to the deserving one? How many men will know me that deeply and intimately before Mr. Right comes along?
Sex really should be sacred. It strips you and bares you to the inner most core. The joining of the two bodies ultimately becomes one, when you are so deep within each other that you cannot see where one ends and the other begins. It makes you vulnerable in every way possible. And this is why it should be between two married people; a couple that pledges to be together forever, a couple that promises to stay faithful to each other (despite what we see today), two people that truly love each other and will do anything, I mean anything for each other. That’s who should be making love.
We treat sex really lightly but it is not something that should be treated lightly. We should respect it more. It messes with your head and not in good way (maybe it’s just my head that gets all messed up but…). That naked joining between two people is really intense and should be meaningful. It should be something shared with your significant other, the love of your life, your Man/Woman, your very own partner, whom you are so free with and comfortable and share the good, bad and ugly with; your partner in marriage. Not every other guy/girl you date.
You shouldn’t be wondering how many other people he/has pleased, whether or not he is HIV negative, whether you are pregnant (after the fact obviously) and all those headaches that come with sex. And those headaches always come and mess with you. They make you question a lot of things.
And the most important thing I learned about sex is how you create covenants with every other person you sleep with. My pastor explained to me how that joining creates a bond between people and it is created with every person you sleep with. And you always have images of those you slept with in the past (now I don’t know about you but it has sometimes haunted me like that). And the easiest way to get over this is acknowledge that what you did was wrong and ask for forgiveness from God. Start anew. Don’t let sex be the center of your relationships. Wait for that right person and the right time and make love not have sex. Be vulnerable together and bare your soul to him/her because he is your chosen life partner and you have pledged to be with him/her and only him. You make this commitment before God and your family.
Make love with a clear conscience and to new heights. Be comfortable and open with each because you belong to each other. Bare your souls to each other and love each other like there is no tomorrow. You have nothing to worry about, no worrying about who will find out, no fretting about being pregnant, and you definitely should not be worried about diseases, because you should be faithful to each other.
That said, I am not one to sleep around but I am no virgin either. I am merely someone who has finally opened her eyes and given up on sex. I don’t want to be just another he slept with. I am done with that life and I hope the next person I date (and yes the guy that led me to this epiphany is no longer in the picture) will understand where I am coming from and will be supportive of it. I am no angel, neither am I claiming to be one. I did not write this lightly and only did so because it might change one person. It may help someone else out there who has been through what I have been through (I haven’t stated it here but if you have been where I have, then you will understand).
Love is a beautiful thing. Cherish it.