Letting go of a-once-upon-a-time-great friendship


A friend face book messaged me today (yesterday) to see how I am doing. She and I barely talk these days. After the courtesy check on each other’s lives, we have nothing more to talk about. It’s always the same old, how’s work, what’s new with you? And always the same answers; work is okay, same old. No change here.” This isn’t true at all. Because there have been changes, things going on but somewhere along the line, we lost that connection and now try to find words to fill the void. If you had told me eight years ago that this is what our friendship would be reduced to, I would have laughed in your face.

She and I were tight, always knew everything about each other and called each other with the most mundane stories. We had that bond between us that I thought could not be broken. She became like a little sister to me, being that she’s younger than me. My family knew her and she attended most family events and I did the same with her family. I became part of her family just as she became part of mine. She could visit my sister even when I wasn’t around and I did the same with hers. We were inseparable. We were for at least three years anyway.

I would like to say that we drifted apart because I moved across continents and landed in the USA while she remained in Zambia. But that would be a lie. Our relationship came under fire when we were still in the time zone, when we were still in school. And it was over a boy. Much as I hate to admit it, that’s what happened. All I can do is tell my side of the story, as I experienced it, as I saw it. I cannot tell you her side. That’s for her.

I dated a guy she apparently had a crush on. When the guy asked me out, she was the first one to know. Before I agreed to date him, I told her about it and she was all “Go for it!” and seemingly excited (I am that friend that’s always single in the group so when I finally told her about him she expressed enthusiasm though I’m not sure how legit it was anymore). Anyway, long story short, I dated the guy. In the course of the relationship, I found out that she (*Kay) and then boyfriend (*Jay) had been communicating before he asked me out and had promised each other some French kissing the next time they met. I was unaware of this communication then and she did not say a thing when she learned he had asked me out.

So, me being the fool in the equation talked about it with them both and asked her why she did not say she liked the guy and told me she did not and that she was already seeing someone when they were communicating.

Ummmm okay, yes you have a boyfriend but you still went ahead and made this little promise. Didn’t it occur to you that I, as your friend, not just any friend, best friend, would have loved to be privy to this information so I don’t turn out to be the ass that dates her friends crush or whatever he was to you? Apparently not. So I broke it off with boyfriend after a series of arguments.

I did not however hold a grudge against Kay. It was all water under the bridge. For me it was. She suddenly became distant and pretty much isolated herself from all of our mutual friends, myself included. It took a while to get back to being friends again but by then the damage was apparent and we were not so close anymore. I tried to fix it. I love to fix things and I hate losing friends, especially over something as silly as a boy. It irks me and I try to do my best to fix things. Especially when I am in the wrong. Even when I am not, I do my best to fix things. This one never got fixed tough. We mended it with tape but the tape has clearly reached its shelf life and can no longer bind the fragments that constitute our relationship.

And now, eight years later, we are searching for words to fill the void, each word clearly feeling forced. So, instead of forcing a friendship that died, I have decided to let it go. Because sometimes that’s all you can do. Let it go. Before it starts to weigh you down like excess baggage. Not every friendship is meant to last a lifetime. And when you find those that have the potential to last a lifetime, work hard at keeping them alive, but not so hard that you are always stressed over them. Once it becomes a chore, it just might be time to let it go. I do miss our friendship but after trying so many times, one has no choice but to let it go and move on.

letting go



About KayCee

The About Me section is always the hardest part for me to do. I never seem to know how to fill it in but I will try. Here goes; I am a fun loving person who also happens to be somewhat anti-social. This is not deliberate, I just lack social skills. Anyway, I love to write about pretty much anything but I have dedicated this page to talking about my life with hyperhidrosis and how it affects the most mundane tasks. I love laughing. It can be annoying because people think I don't take them seriously when I laugh but I do. Laughter works as defense mechanism when I feel cornered or just cannot give an answer right away. Or when I really feel the need to laugh :) I am usually quiet til I know you. A bit of a cynic but I always try to see the good in people. I still believe in humanity at the same time wondering if we will make it. I am a walking contradiction apparently. And that is it about me. Happy reading! :)
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12 Responses to Letting go of a-once-upon-a-time-great friendship

  1. Hey Kaycee, thanks for the article!

    I empathize with you so much that it’s not even funny haha. About 5 months ago, I had a very similar situation happen. I had a best friend who I imagined it would be hard to ever part ways down the road. I ended up moving to the other side of the country (like you, shouldn’t be the reason to blame) and was still in contact often, but it wasn’t the same. Our paths obviously were starting to take different turns, and I decided it was time to just stop even trying. It was super hard!

    I realized I had to fill that space with something though, and I imagine that probably happened to you as well. What ended up taking the place of your friend in your life? For me, it was living a Christlike life by starting to really turn outward and serve the people around me, but that’s not the case with everyone! I’d love to hear. Thanks for the post!

    – Sam

    • KayCee says:

      Hey Sam. Thanks for reading! I kind of took your path. I delved into church activities, volunteering my time for fundraising drives or children activities. For the most part, I concentrated on my other friendships seeing as I failed to salvage this one when we were in the same zip code, it sort of became impossible after the move. I am only now finally letting go completely because it is a waste of time this whole forced “conversation” we have. It’s not easy but then again life seldom is. You gotta do what you gotta do at the end of the day.

      • Thanks for responding! Do you really feel like the time you put into serving others helped you get some of that happiness back?

        Like you said, you gotta do what you gotta do sometimes, and I think the most important part is focusing on what you can control at the moment that will help you be happier in the long run.
        – Sam

      • KayCee says:

        I think it’s more of a moving on and finding happiness again without the thought of the old friendship dampening your mood. I look back on it and think, it was great while it lasted, we shared some great memories and now moving on to new things, and maybe even better things. Instead of it being a sad memory, it’s a happy one with no regrets. And serving others is one way of filling that void and finding happiness elsewhere because your interaction with others builds something different, a whole new relationship on its own. And there’s something about serving that just makes one joyful. At least it’s true in my case. I draw joy from volunteering and I still do it as much as I can. I currently volunteer at a food pantry managed by my church.

  2. Dani says:

    Love this post. The older I get the more I realise how fragile friendships are 😦 xx

    • KayCee says:

      Hey Dani! Thanks for reading :). I really dislike losing friendships especially if it was such a good one you know. But as you mentioned, they are fragile and all too often break easily and cannot be put back together. It sucks but it happens. Nothing much you can do especially if the other party isn’t interested in fixing it. The joys of adulthood. *sigh* xx

  3. Ellen Hawley says:

    It’s hard to fix things with people who won’t admit that anything’s wrong.

    • KayCee says:

      Yes, Ellen, It’s the worst! Eventually you have to let it go instead of beating yourself about it.
      Thanks for commenting 😊

  4. aigooyobo says:

    Truer words couldn’t have been said. Sometimes, you try to force a relationship to work because of the respect you had for ut, but sometimes you really have to let go. There is a reason why you drifted apart and in a way it is a blessing in disguise because you never know what the future might hold if that friendship still is intact. Love it as it is highly relatable to me. 😊😊

    • KayCee says:

      It’s a reality a lot of us run away from but in retrospect, we end up hurting ourselves more. Hard as it is, letting go is sometimes the best thing ever. Free yourself up to something new.
      Kaycee 😊

  5. aigooyobo says:

    Love the post. I commented earlier…don’t know if it went thru. But, in sum…truer words. So relateable. sometimes it is good to let somethings go by because those things that made you distant in the beginning would be the same thing that could damage the future relationship that would have been reconstructed.

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