A few months into my current job, I had decided I wanted to travel the world. I drafted a list of countries I wanted to visit, how much time I wanted to spend in each place and estimated how much it would cost me to live there, and move from point A to point B. Overall it wasn’t bad. I just had to give up my nonexistent social life for a while and work two to three jobs. I could also work odd jobs as I traipsed around the globe. I felt like I was in a rut and this is something I really wanted to do. If you know me, you know that I am not the adventurous person, I lack the exploration bones. But the thought of packing up and just going off without a care in the world sparked something. I felt alive. I didn’t realize how dead I had been feeling in the past few years, how I had just been coasting through life.
I kept this draft of paper in my drawer at work and looked at it every day to remind myself of my new goal. I set new goals and finally had something new to look forward to. But life happened and this year rolled around and I cannot take my trip as planned. Instead, I am making a big change in a different direction altogether and I know I will not regret it. I have been living in the USA for the six or so years and have decided to move back home at least for the time being.
I haven’t exactly been forthcoming with why I decided to move but people came up with several theories, prominent among these that I couldn’t make it here in the U.S thus starting over in Zambia. Why else would anyone leave a first world country for a third world nation? This initially angered me. My family thought this too. They may not have said it out loud but I knew they thought it. My mom sometimes said it in passing, phrasing it as she will get a better job there.
No one really took the time to ask me why I wanted to go back and when they did, they didn’t listen to my answer. It’s amazing how people ask you questions and still formulate their own answers. Why are you asking me questions you already have answers to?
I made the decision to move back home based off a couple of reasons that may or may not make sense to most people. And some people may or may not agree with my decision to move back but it is after all my life. I make the decisions here. I’m a single 20 something young lady so I have no husband or significant other to consult as I make these decisions. Of course I do talk to my family but in all honesty when I made the decision to move back it was more of an announcement than a discussion regarding the move.
Some of my reasons to move were as follows but my biggest reason will not be listed on here but instead appear in a different post coming soon. Without further ado, here goes nothing;
- I am done with grad school. That was my primary reason for coming to live here. That and being with my mother who has lived here for the past 16 years or so.
- I want a change of pace.
- I want to be with my family. The rest of my family. I come from a huge family. And they are all in Zambia.
- I don’t know where I want to settle. I’m at a pinnacle in my life. I want to see if Zambia is where it’s at for me and this is a great point in my life to do that where I have no family responsibilities or children to consider as I move across continents.
- I want to experience working in my home country
Also, life doesn’t come with a fucking manual and this is how I choose to go about it. Am I going about it the right way? I don’t know. I have no children, I am not seeing anyone and according to society I am doing it mostly wrong. And to that I pretty much say fuck society. This whole life thing is different for each person. We all go through it differently and have different experiences. We make unique choices. Sometimes these choices land us in trouble, sometimes they don’t. Just weigh the pros and cons before making huge life decisions. Remember, life happens every day and without taking risks, you will wake up one day and wonder what happened. That will be your reality. We all shape our destiny one way or the other. One step at a time. One decision at a time. Quitting one job at a time and moving across continents to start over. It definitely isn’t going to be easy but I’m sure it will be worth it. I sure will make the most of it while I’m there.