Random Thoughts Thursday

over analyze

Except for the part where there are no tears-Image via google

The question “what do you want?” seems innocent enough and should be quite easy to answer. Unless that person being asked is me and the person asking the question is my very good friend who only asks me this question when he is drinking. I have no idea why. Maybe I do but I just do not want to speculate. I have been asked this at least three times and each time alcohol was involved. Go figure.

In my own big head, and I really do have a big head-not sure how much of a brain its housing and how useful that brain is especially in such circumstances-but anyway, as I was saying, in my own big head, the answer is both simple and complex. Of course you’re dealing with me here so it’s bound to happen that it’s both simple and complex. It’s simple because what I want shouldn’t be that hard. It’s as easy as me responding “you.”

And then it gets complex. Ok, so I want you. What does that mean? Do I want your body, or do I want your mind or do I want the whole package? On a great day, I want the whole package. I don’t have many great days so you can imagine what this means. I usually operate on a meh day and I’m not sure anyone wants to know what’s associated with meh.

So then I’m stuck not answering this question because, a)self preservation and b)do I really know what I want, c)do I really want what I think I want in this moment?

And there are the consequences. I really don’t like to think that far ahead but with my history, sometimes it’s best to think far ahead especially if you love this person and would like to keep them in your life long term. Because he is a great friend. And even he constantly reminds me how he doesn’t want to ruin the friendship. And deep down, I know the friendship would be ruined not because of him but because of me. I suck as a human being in general.

So, what do I want? I want what you want. On a great day I may want more. Those are rare days. Hopefully they come around soon, it’s been long overdue. Can we agree to remain friends, not just any type of friends but great friends, the kind I can call at midnight to rant, or when I need a bed? Because if we can agree to that, then my answer is you. Now, can we discuss the terms and conditions? I hate going into anything blind.

KC

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About KayCee

The About Me section is always the hardest part for me to do. I never seem to know how to fill it in but I will try. Here goes; I am a fun loving person who also happens to be somewhat anti-social. This is not deliberate, I just lack social skills. Anyway, I love to write about pretty much anything but I have dedicated this page to talking about my life with hyperhidrosis and how it affects the most mundane tasks. I love laughing. It can be annoying because people think I don't take them seriously when I laugh but I do. Laughter works as defense mechanism when I feel cornered or just cannot give an answer right away. Or when I really feel the need to laugh :) I am usually quiet til I know you. A bit of a cynic but I always try to see the good in people. I still believe in humanity at the same time wondering if we will make it. I am a walking contradiction apparently. And that is it about me. Happy reading! :)
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10 Responses to Random Thoughts Thursday

  1. Tendu says:

    This the same friend who wants to meet your future hubby and says you’re a problem?!?

  2. Tendu says:

    Kaya u tell me, as I don’t know hence asking

    • KayCee says:

      I’m pretty sure you know but you just want a yes/no confirmation from me. I only know of one person who asks me this question when they’re drinking 😜. It may or may not be that person. I’m 97 per cent sure it is though

  3. D'Dream says:

    hahaha. terms and conditions on friendship? lol
    when can i apply or come around to sign the dotted line?

    • KayCee says:

      Hahahaha I like you already. Ummmm well yeah there’s need for terms and conditions when said friends are feeling some type of way about each other 😁

      • D'Dream says:

        hahahaha, that one get as e be o.
        is that the new , advance, sophisticated, overwhelming approved rule of engagement? what planet have i be living sef? lol

      • KayCee says:

        Hahahahaha please come and join me on this planet I’m on. You might quite like it. It’s an interesting place. Lol yes new rules of engagement commenced 😂😂😂

  4. Nedoux says:

    Lol @ “big head”.

    Ah, relationships and their related complexities. The whats, hows and whys can be so tiring sometimes. If only one knew with absolute certainty how things would go even before anything begins. We live, love and learn.

    Crossing that thin line between being friends and something-more-than-friends can be tricky but also worthwhile when it’s the right person. :-).

    • KayCee says:

      That’s the problem, you don’t know how it will go and if the relationship fails if you can go back to being the friends you were. Why couldn’t life have been easier? *sighs* I guess I will stay on the fence until I’m brave enough to decide to go forward or retreat completely lol

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