The question “what do you want?” seems innocent enough and should be quite easy to answer. Unless that person being asked is me and the person asking the question is my very good friend who only asks me this question when he is drinking. I have no idea why. Maybe I do but I just do not want to speculate. I have been asked this at least three times and each time alcohol was involved. Go figure.
In my own big head, and I really do have a big head-not sure how much of a brain its housing and how useful that brain is especially in such circumstances-but anyway, as I was saying, in my own big head, the answer is both simple and complex. Of course you’re dealing with me here so it’s bound to happen that it’s both simple and complex. It’s simple because what I want shouldn’t be that hard. It’s as easy as me responding “you.”
And then it gets complex. Ok, so I want you. What does that mean? Do I want your body, or do I want your mind or do I want the whole package? On a great day, I want the whole package. I don’t have many great days so you can imagine what this means. I usually operate on a meh day and I’m not sure anyone wants to know what’s associated with meh.
So then I’m stuck not answering this question because, a)self preservation and b)do I really know what I want, c)do I really want what I think I want in this moment?
And there are the consequences. I really don’t like to think that far ahead but with my history, sometimes it’s best to think far ahead especially if you love this person and would like to keep them in your life long term. Because he is a great friend. And even he constantly reminds me how he doesn’t want to ruin the friendship. And deep down, I know the friendship would be ruined not because of him but because of me. I suck as a human being in general.
So, what do I want? I want what you want. On a great day I may want more. Those are rare days. Hopefully they come around soon, it’s been long overdue. Can we agree to remain friends, not just any type of friends but great friends, the kind I can call at midnight to rant, or when I need a bed? Because if we can agree to that, then my answer is you. Now, can we discuss the terms and conditions? I hate going into anything blind.